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Callus Coffee, a pre-review

Don't tell the bros of Callus Coffee, Seattle's newest coffee pop-up shop, that 2017 may be a little too late to get in on the trend of infilling America's urban cores with third-wave coffee bars bearing unfortunate, esoteric names. 2017 is a year of political upheaval, a year when the wheels of #resistance are turning, resolutely focused on forestalling #Trumpocalypse by galvanizing the American left in a united front the likes of which we haven't seen in generations.

It's time to retrench, for us all to focus on our essential values and ensure that our democratic institutions have the fortitude to provide for a viable future. This requires constructive anger. Apathy is not acceptable -- if you aren't angry, you aren't alive. It's difficult to maintain one's righteous fury when sampling the single-origin pour over offerings and mulling the purchase of artisanal coffee mugs at a new coffee bar in a former industrial district, all the while dicking around on your nearly $1,000 smartphone.

Moreover, places like this give Coastlandia a bad name, depicting coastal elites as overeducated, over-moneyed dickheads who care less about reducing socio-economic inequality and more about finding the most expressive light roasts money can buy.

"Oh no, Salinger is stuck in the reclaimed glass cabinet again!" Photo credit to the Callus Facebook feed.

Perhaps its the maximalism of Callus' embrace of the tired tropes of gentrification that rankle. Why does the wood on the main coffee bar appear to be synthetically distressed like a pair of shitty, Russ Hanneman jeans? Why is so much expensive real estate taken up by ancient, non-functional coffee machines? And what's the deal with the American flags hung both inside and out? Is patriotism an ironic commodity in 2017?

No, just no. Seattle has enough coffee shops, coffee roasters, and mobile coffee platforms. We don't need this place. But I'll probably still check it out.


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